Fall to Pieces
by wordslinger
Summary: Erza was a sloppy liar. Jellal never had the knack for it. Laxus was a better liar than them both put together. Cheater fic. Jerza. Laxus/Erza. Complete.


_**Note: I was in a weird headspace today, I guess.**_

* * *

" _It's been a long year_

 _since you've been gone_

 _I've been alone here_

 _I've grown old"_

* * *

The room was silent but for the beeping of the heart monitors and the hum of his oxygen. His skin was mostly hidden beneath layers of gauze. She only felt comfortable touching the tips of his fingers for fear of hurting him. At the sound of a voice in the hallway behind her, Erza stiffened and blotted her tears with the sleeves of her jacket. The old, ragged thing had once belonged to Jellal but had been _hers_ since college. He'd been trying to convince her for _years_ to let him replace it but she couldn't.

Behind her, the door opened and clicked shut. She didn't need to turn around to know Laxus had joined her in the room. He cleared his throat awkwardly.

"How's he doing?"

"His skin will heal, they tell me," she whispered. "But he was unconscious for so long…" Erza's words tangled in her throat and tears spilled right past her efforts to contain them. "They just don't know," she sobbed.

"I'm sorry."

"Why?" she snapped. "You weren't _there."_

"Yeah, I know. That's –" Laxus didn't finish his sentence. He didn't need to. "I'm sorry, Erza. This is my fault."

"It is," she said stiffly. "I'm going home."

"Do you need a ride or…"

Erza's answer was to whirl around, shoulder past him, and leave the room. With every step toward the parking garage, she felt her resentment and anger building. She hadn't even been able to say goodnight.

* * *

" _All the years I've tried_

 _With more to go_

 _Will the memories die_

 _I'm waiting"_

* * *

Erza clutched the yellow packet to her chest and bit her lip. Jellal's condition hadn't changed. His cheeks were still pale and sickly. His arms were still covered in bandages. She'd watched the nurse clean and dress his injuries. Her churned and twisted but Erza forced herself to stay. "I got the papers today," she whispered. Her fingers dug into the sides of the envelope. One of her nails pierced the paper and the flap sliced the pad of her finger open. "I – I don't know what to do with them. I can't… I can't do this if you're not… _here,_ Jellal."

She reached out to touch the tips of his fingers. A smear of her blood was left on his thumb.

"I never wanted to file in the first place," she said with no small amount of petulance. "If I'd just…" Erza trailed off with a harsh laugh. "I can't believe that bitch dying fucked me up so bad. I guess I let her get to me one last time. I let her ruin the one good thing…" She sucked in a watery breath. _"Jesus,_ Jellal, I'm so sorry! Now I have these fucking papers and it's all so fucking stupid and anti-climactic."

Jellal's heart monitor beeped steadily.

"I'd understand if you didn't ever forgive me, Jellal, but you don't need to fucking _die!"_ Overcome with misplaced anger, Erza fled the room. Just outside the door, she smacked into something painfully solid. A pair of hands grasped her shoulders.

"Hey, you okay?" Such a _stupid_ question could've only come from one person.

"Fuck off, Laxus," Erza muttered, trying to shove past him. The torn packet of papers dotted with her blood slid from her grasp and spilled onto the floor. As the envelope hit the linoleum, the small tear ripped wide and papers slid across the floor in a bright, offensive line of white.

Laxus immediately knelt and tried to push them back into their neat pile. Erza's attempt was much messier. When his gaze caught on the title page, she snatched it away.

"So you really did it, then?" he whispered. "You filed? He never thought you'd go that far."

"It's none of your business," Erza fumed. "Not like it fucking matters _now_ anyway!"

"Hey, I'm sorry –"

"This is all your fault anyway!" Tears were leaking from her eyes in fat drops. They blurred her vision and she couldn't see how to get the papers back into the envelope anymore. Laxus sighed and pried the whole mess from her hands and set it aside. "You – you let him drive like that! _How could you?!"_

Erza pressed her back against the wall and hugged her knees against her chest. She couldn't catch her breath but thought maybe she didn't deserve to breathe anyway. Laxus sighed and sat beside her. The hallway was nearly empty and he stretched out his legs to cross them at the ankles.

"You're right," he said plainly. Erza wiped her tears with the backs of her hands and glared at him.

"What?"

"I knew he was drunk that night and I didn't stop him from driving."

"Why not?"

"Because the world doesn't revolve around Erza and Jellal," he whispered. He clasped his hands together so tightly his knuckles turned white. "I have my own shit, you know?"

Something clicked in Erza's head and her shoulders sagged. "I'm sorry, Laxus. I know this time of year is –"

"It's whatever," he murmured. She knew that was Laxus's way of saying he didn't want to talk about it. "He's gone and it's fine."

Erza inspected the cut on her finger. It had stopped bleeding. "Come have a drink with me."

Laxus rolled his head to the side and grimaced. "Is that really a good idea? Given the givens and all that?"

"Well," Erza said standing and gathering the messy packet of papers against her chest. "I, for one, need a drink. I'm going to go home and have a few. You're welcome to join me."

She left him on the floor of the hospital hallway not entirely sure if she actually wanted him to show up.

* * *

The house had been a wedding gift from Jellal's father. Extravagant in a way but the elder Fernandes's love language was never apologizing for being absent but making up for it with practical gifts. _Practical_ in the eyes of a man who'd grown up poor and married into money. Jellal's higher education had been paid for in full with no questions asked, he'd never seen a single bill for his car _or_ the insurance, and the property tax on the house was paid for every year by a trust.

In a very big, but incredibly selfish, way Erza was glad the man was long dead. She didn't want him to bear witness to the way she'd tanked their marriage, taken the house – not technically true but that's how it looked to outsiders, and let Jellal slip into binge drinking far enough to wrap his car around a tree.

Erza watched Laxus's headlights inch closer and closer to the house. Rain splattered the deck and obscured the view. Not a single star could be seen beyond the back glass but the view hadn't ever been for her. Erza knocked back a shot of the tequila Jellal always kept behind the rows and rows of bottled water. They both knew it was still there despite the sobriety tokens he kept in a tray on his desk. Erza hadn't been in Jellal's office since the night he left her alone to stew in her malcontent. Drinking his tequila felt like a betrayal but what was a few shots when put next to his hospital bed and the bandages and the oxygen machine and –

"Erza?" Laxus's voice came from the front hall. She didn't go to greet him. He knew the way.

Her hip leaned against the frame of the sliding glass door. The back deck was just as wet as the front but the covering stretched further. Erza's eyes were locked on the pines that crowded the back of their property. Laxus cracked open a beer – always beer with him – and joined her at the door.

"I didn't think you'd show," she murmured.

"Misery loves company." She let him have his silence for a long while. Lightning scrawled across the sky and thunder rattled the walls. "Gramps always hated the rain."

"Jellal didn't – ah, um. He _doesn't_ like the clouds." She laughed shortly at her mistake and tried to push away the horror of what she'd almost implied. "They wreck the view."

"He's always been such a space cadet."

"Yeah." Erza whirled around too fast and nearly crashed into Laxus's side. The tequila burned her throat but she wanted it.

"That's an old bottle." Laxus joined her at the kitchen counter and raised an eyebrow.

"Yep." She wouldn't explain it. She didn't need to. Laxus knew about her husband's habits. Erza left the shot glass on the counter and settled for the bottle. "Come sit with me."

The back deck was littered with outdoor furniture she still wasn't sure how to place. Two chairs and a sectional sofa that took up most of the room. The ottoman had been an impulse purchase. Erza had thought of herself and Jellal making use of it but, as always, he'd been too distracted by the stars to ever notice – or maybe she just hadn't been distracting enough? Not that it mattered.

Laxus fell into the sofa with his carrier of beer and Erza chose the far end that had caught the spray of the raindrops at their most violent.

"I'm sorry for being mean," Erza finally said, wicking a drop of the tequila from her bottom lip. The rain picked up and drowned out the sound of the liquor sloshing in the bottle. "I don't think I can help it anymore."

Laxus sighed and relaxed back into the polyester covered cushions and propped his feet on the ottoman. "Jellal always liked that about you."

Erza snorted. "He just wants someone to tell him what to do."

"Yep." Laxus barked a laughed and polished off his beer. He used the edge of his shirt to grip the lid of the next bottle. "Don't apologize to me, Erza. Let's agree _not_ to apologize. He's a big boy and made his own choices."

He wasn't wrong. Jellal had been sober for two years. She'd been trying to help him down the path for much longer, though. It didn't occur to her until she'd watched him puke his guts out in the bathtub of their apartment that maybe he needed to help _himself._ Logic dictated that _no matter what_ Jellal had _chosen_ to drink. He'd _chosen_ to take a swan dive off the wagon. Even if she'd been the biggest bitch in the history of bitches – and she _had_ been – getting wasted and trying to drive had been his choice.

Erza sucked down two mouthfuls of his stupid tequila and told herself hated him. She hated that he was still so fucking _weak._ She hated that he'd always have a fucking monster under their bed.

Suddenly Erza laughed. She could feel Laxus's eyes on her back. "You know? I'm a hypocrite," she blurted.

"We all are, Erza."

"I'm a big one, though. I'm sitting here drinking his stash, it tastes like shit by the way, and thinking about all the ways he's just so fucking broken." Erza finished off all but a final gulp and reached over to set the bottle on the low table but missed. It fell to the deck and rolled beyond the covering. "And you know what? It's _me_ who's cracked, Laxus. _Me."_

"You're just drunk."

"That's true," she said turning to face him. Erza stood and sloppily edged around the table to flop into the cushion beside him. "But I'm still right. My bitch of a mom died and I never got a chance to tell her all that shit she did wrong and I just…" Erza pursed her lips and shook her head. Her train of thought derailed. "My point is, I wanted him to do for me what I couldn't do for him."

"What's that?" Laxus asked softly.

"I wanted him to _fix_ me. I thought he fucking _owed_ me that much." Her throat closed up. "And he tried, you know? He did. And I… _hated_ him for it. I hated that he was exactly what I needed and I could never…"

Abruptly Erza tried to stand but lost her balance. Laxus's hand closed around her wrist and she stumbled over his case of empties. Her hand shot out to grasp the arm of the couch and when she landed it was awkwardly on top of him. He smelled like motor oil and the kind of pine air freshener he'd hung from his rearview mirror for as long as she'd known him.

Maybe it was Jellal's tequila. Maybe it was the undeniable fact that Laxus _wasn't_ Jellal. Maybe it was Erza losing the very last pieces of her mind. Whatever the reason, she stretched out over the length of his body and touched his bottom lip.

"Erza –"

She sat up and inched forward to feel the bulge of his jeans press between her legs. Erza tugged her dress over her head and enjoyed the feel of his eyes on her. She could see him trying to push through the fog of all that beer and that's the opposite of what she wanted. Erza's hands inched beneath the edge of his shirt and bit her lips at the feel of his bare skin.

Whatever battle raged in Laxus's head he suddenly gripped her hips and pushed her back down to the wide expanse of sofa cushion. She tugged at the button of his fly and he yanked the panties from her hips. Laxus was rougher than Jellal and Erza knew she'd have bruises on her thighs. He never kissed her lips – only her jaw and her neck and the swell of her breasts through her bra. Laxus fucked her like a stranger and Erza wanted to push him off. She hadn't faked an orgasm since high school but Laxus didn't notice. He finished and collapsed against the back of the sofa.

Erza rolled to her side and watched him try and watch her. His eyes couldn't focus and he didn't try to touch her hair – Jellal would've peeled the strands from her shoulders and smiled. Laxus's eyes slid closed and Erza swallowed a sob.

* * *

The sky was a dusky purple. A shrill sound she recognized but couldn't place blared from inside the house. Erza sat up and itched her thigh. The weave of the polyester cushion covers had left an imprint. Her eyes bounced around the deck and she tried to _not_ see any of it.

"Fuck," she whispered. _"Fuck."_ The morning fell silent and Erza reached for her discarded dress. It was damp with rain and sweat. The blaring from the kitchen started up again. Her phone, she realized. Erza stepped over Laxus's container of empty beer bottles – she hadn't realized he'd had so much to drink – and entered the kitchen. She didn't recognize the number but took the call anyway.

"Hello?" she managed in a hung-over rasp.

"Erza Fernandes?" A profession voice asked. "Is this the wife of Jellal Fernandes?"

"Uh, yeah," she said after clearing her throat. "That's me."

"I'm calling from the ICU over at Evergreen Medical. Your husband opened his eyes this morning."

"I'm sorry," Erza muttered, trying to gather her thoughts. _"What?"_

"He's with the doctor now. Should I tell him you're on your way?"

 _No,_ her mind screamed. "Yes. I'll be there as soon as I can."

Erza ended the call and set aside her phone. When she turned, Laxus was dressed and stuffing his feet into his boots. The sound of his keys dangling from his fingers made her skull ache.

"Sorry about last night," he said as he clomped across the kitchen floor. "I don't remember much. That's what I get for drinking that fucking imported shit."

Erza didn't watch him go. Laxus was a better liar than Jellal. When she heard the front door shut her eyes fell on the still crumpled and wrinkled stack of paper spilling from the torn yellow envelope. She sighed and slid her gaze to the deck. It was raining again. Jellal's nearly empty bottle of tequila still rested against a rail post. The glass was dirty and a couple of stray pine needles clung to the rounded body of it.

Laxus might be able to get away with his lies. But Erza remembered _everything._ Jellal might've betrayed his change trey full of sobriety tokens but she'd betrayed them both. Over and over.

After a quick shower, she dressed and tried to chase the shadows from her heart. On her way out to the garage, Erza dumped the pile of papers and the envelope still dotted with her blood in the garbage bin.

* * *

" _Every time I'm falling down_

 _All alone I fall to pieces"_


End file.
